The hits (and misses) of 2010

Yes, it's time for some generic 2010 recap. This probably won't be as comprehensive as it should be. I'm basically gonna shoot off some albums, movies, etc in 2010 that I saw and that I enjoyed. I'm sure this will differ from other people's, but whatever.

Btw, I made this post primarily pictures so you didn't have to read the whole thing.

MUSIC

I got to experience a lot of really cool live music in 2010. I went to some good Buzz shows. Manchester Orchestra, Coheed and Cambria, and Weezer rocked Buzz Under the Stars. Manchester was great and really should've gone on longer, but their sound was a little ... darker? than the other bands, and so their place in the lineup was hard to justify.



Oh baby

Coheed was amazing, and I've seen them before, so that was a real treat. I exhausted myself in the mosh pit and barely had energy to last through Weezer, but I did.

 

I wish I was older when you were still cool.

 I wasn't "disappointed" in Weezer but they weren't the best band I've ever seen live... Not because they're Weezer, but because of the music they've been putting out lately. If I had been able to see Weezer 10 years ago I'm sure I would've shit my pants from all the awesome.


Another Buzz Under the Stars was The Crash Kings, Against Me!, Devo, Silversun Pickups, and a little bit of Ben Folds. Crash Kings kicked major ass for being an opening band. Definitely should've been on longer. Against Me! was also very good, probably could've been on longer.


LOOK AT THIS MAN

 Devo, though... DAMN. Those guys freaking rocked. Could probably be old enough to be my grandpa up there, but damn.

Woops, too late.

Silversun was amazing. I was skeptical at first because I saw them play live on Jimmi Kimmel or something and I was less than impressed, but they were really cool and super energetic. Last up was Ben. Oh, Ben. I love you to death but your show sucked.

I saw Mae's "Goodbye, Goodnight" tour. It was a little less energetic than the last show I saw them play, but understandably so. It was bittersweet to know I would never get to see them live again. But it was a great show none-the-less.



:( Bye guys..

Honorable mentions go to MGMT and Weird Al Yankovich. MGMT was really fun (despite being by myself) and Weird Al will never cease to impress me. Taking my kid neighbor along was really awesome too. Nothing like passing the torch. Saw some good local/lesser known talent, too, such as The Wheelers, One Blood, Poison Control Center, Unicycle Loves You, The Kinetics, and a bunch others that impressed me. KC has some good stuff.

As far as albums go, this sections gonna be a little biased. I know I didn't experience a lot of really great albums that came out this year, but I did my best to grab some good stuff.

Just picked this album up (literally) and I can tell this is one of the best albums to have come out this year. It rides along on the "Hipster/Indie/Folk" wave, but it's much, much more than that. Catchy, melodic, varying, deep, and rich are elements missing in a lot of this ridiculous Folk craze going on in music right now, and that's what this album captures in a tear-jerking way. The lyrics are wonderfully written, and the singer's voice is passionate and unique. I highly recommend it (which goes without saying seeing as how it's on this list...)

 

Oh baby. The female singer scene is a rich one, but this band really goes into a new world with it. Sleigh Bells - "Treats" is an album I was not expecting to love as much as I did when I started listening to it. I'm warming up to the genre of "noise rock", and anyone else with me needs to get this album in order to start falling in love. Rock - noise - electronic - industrial is a good way to describe it, and if that sounds "sweet" to you, I highly recommend this little "treat". HAH!

With every album the Gorillaz come out with, I fall in love a little more. Their past few albums have been great and getting better, but I'd always manage to only really like about %50-%75 of the album... But this one is really top notch. When I got it, I could do nothing but listen to the whole thing, from start to finish, no stops or skips along the way. That, my friends, is an experience, and the depth of this album will lead you into a whole new world. The Plastic Beach.



Linkin Park's newest shimmering diamond-encrusted masterpiece "A Thousand Suns" is also an experience. This album is best served going from start to finish with no stops or skips along the way. Although the album art kind of looks like a cartoon of a black face in profile screaming (look at it -- look at it -- got it? see it? RIGHT?) it's depth is something not to be ignored. I know I keep using that word "depth", but it's really important. Great art is something that gets digested over time, that's impossible to "understand" at first glance, and this album is a perfect example of something that cannot be ignored. I look forward to seeing them live in late January.

Oh. Oh my. Oh my goodness. The Arcade Fire has come out with some doozies in their day, but this one is a knockout. Their predominate theme so far as artists has always kind of been "suburbs", but when they finally titled their album "The Suburbs", they really took it and blew it out of the water. Catchy, timely, layered, varied, indie - a recipe for something exquisite, and it certainly satisfies. In my humble opinion, their best work to date.

I'm not the biggest MGMT fan on the planet, but I certainly enjoy their work. Seeing them live was a pretty rad experience (albeit lonely) and really led me to respect their work further. This little gem is something for the hippie that resides in all of us. The tripped out surfer dude with refinement that we all hold dear in our hearts. If you know that part of you has been ignored, give this lil thing a spin.

Now for some misses... Now, when I say "miss", I don't necessarily mean "total flops." These albums gave it a good shot, certainly had some good tracks, but overall, lacked a little something for me. I won't go into detail because what I just said is basically the case for all of these.



Neon Trees - "Habits"



30 Second to Mars - "This is War"



Coheed & Cambria - "Year of the Black Rainbow"

Broken Social Scene - "Forgiveness Rock Record"

MOVIES

This one's going to be a bit difficult. I see a lot of movies, but not always the year they came out. Before anyone who's a crazy movie buff gets all up in my Kool-Aid about my list, there were LOTS of movies I KNOW I haven't seen yet that I know would make this "list". Let's list a few of those right now:

• Rabbit Hole
• Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
• 127 Hours
• Black Swan
• The Fighter
• How to Train Your Dragon
• True Grit

Just to name a few. I'm sure I would've loved these movies, and I definitely plan on seeing them eventually.

 Let's give it a shot anyway. (In no particular order..)

If you saw this movie, it needs no explanation. If you didn't.... I dare you. I double dog dare you.

A surprise hit indeed. Don't yell at me just yet. It's funny, it's fast, it's wonderfully and creatively written and filmed, it's a spectacle to watch, and it's funny. It's very, very, fucking funny. Don't hate until you've seen it.



BESIDES the fact that it was directed by David Fincher, BESIDES the fact that the music was done by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails, BESIDES the fact that it stars Jessie Eisenberg -- this movie was just a great experience. An emotional rollercoaster of love, hate, sympathy, and disgust, you'll never get on facebook the same way again after seeing this film.



This one's more for posterity's sake. I liked it a lot, don't get me wrong, but it was just really "good", I didn't think it was "fantastic." Nothing will ever top the first movie - from plot to writing to voice acting, it was one of -- if not THE -- most well rounded animated film I've ever seen. But I definitely cried like a baby during Toy Story 3 (twice, same scene both times I saw it) and that's something I can't ignore when making this list.

and... in case you've been living under a rock or haven't talked to me this year... my ... favorite... movie...



It needs no introduction. It needs no explanation. It just needs you to see it if you haven't already.

As far as disappointments go, I don't have too many, because I don't really see movies unless I know they're going to be good. Or at least have a good feeling. The only two that pop into my head at the moment (movies that I thought might be good or at least o.k. but were kind of really not):

 

Tim Burton's slaughter of "Alice in Wonderland"

 

Shyamalan's mediocre debacle



MISC

You know what else rocked this year? And will continue to rock?

THESE GUYS

And ...

THESE --  .. GIRLS

So this post is HELLA long and it's time to wrap it up. Thanks to all the awesomeness of my friends this fun little transition year (graduation into the real world, etc) and I look forward to kickin' it with ya'll for many more years to come.

Sincerely,
Corbin Hernandez

just need to shout

ever had one of those days? you know what i mean. you're not necessarily angry -- or at least not enough to admit -- you just feel like you're walking down the street and everyone's bumping into you -- either on accident or on purpose -- and you're just minding your own business but you keep tripping over stuff on the sidewalk -- stuff you either should've seen anyway so you feel stupid for not seeing it or stuff that magically popped up right where you were walking -- and you're tired and hungry and you've been working all day and you won't stop working until you get home but you have to pack when you get home because you're trying to move out and be independent and start your own life but the universe seems bent on you living in your mom and dad's house for the rest of your life like a loser!

that came out a lot more complainy than it feels in my head.

and besides. most times i type upset things on the internet i stop being upset instantly after. it's a release thing (obviously.) if you see me or talk to me after you read this, don't worry, i'm fine now. i just needed to scream little. and who doesn't every once in a while, huh? i love theatre more than anything else you can do with your time, but not being able to do karate as a consequence has shut off a valve for physical stress relief and i think it's starting to take a toll. no free time at all, really, takes its toll.

and yet i find time to play Halo: Reach, don't i, corbin. and yet i find time to do a lot of stupid things.

sigh. what started out as a release post turned itself into a self-attack post. i should stop this right now, nip it in the bud.

so anyway. there it is. Christmas is over. where the fuck that even go, anyway? it's like i was waiting for 2 weeks and then it flew past me like a bullet. 2 weeks? wasn't advent 4? didn't feel like it.

is this the rest of my life?

Corbin

a difficult day.

I know I'm trying to work on my complaining. I'll try not to make this post so much about complaining... Then again, that might be impossible considering the subject matter...

When I was being interviewed for this job, they asked me a difficult question. "How do you feel about telling a customer 'no'?" Well, I thought about it, and I gave a pretty good answer (or so I thought). Look for solutions, don't just stop whenever you hit an obstacle. I thought to myself -- out of ignorance, of course -- that most problems customers will bring up to me will be something that we can work out together and find an alternate solution for. As I work here more and more, I find this is simply not the case.

No, there really isn't any other way to get around you trying to deposit a check which doesn't have a name on it that matches any names of the accounts. No, I can't cash your check when your account's in the red. No, we don't have Susan B. Anthony's, and I don't think anyone else does, either.

The more I work here, the more I realize how much of a minority I am in every day society. It's rare that things really bother me. I mean sure, there is Harry Potter, and Twilight, and the Disney Channel, but other than that, if things don't go my way chances are I wasn't really expecting they would. 9 times out of 10, whatever it is that I'm doing I don't actually expect for it to work out the way I planned.

In this moment of reflection, I wonder: is it that things have been going wrong in my life all the time? That, in fact, 9 times out of 10 things did go wrong? No. Actually, what I can really honestly say to myself is, the reason I'm -- Cautious? Have low expectations? I call it realistic -- is that the times in my life when things have gone wrong, they've gone almost cataclysmically wrong. Yeah, sure, there are the regular hiccups now and again, who doesn't have those, but I swear, those few times early on when I got burned, bad, have taught me to never expect life to go the way I want it to.

Anyway, where I was getting with this whole "minority" thing is that it simply doesn't seem to be the case with 7 out of 10 customers who come in here tyring to do something that just won't fly. "Sorry, sir, this check is made out to your business so I can't deposit it into your personal account." "WHY NOT?!" Whoa, there! You must've known that the name on the account and the name on this check do not match. You know this, because you know the name on your account, and you can see the name on this check does not match that name! You must've known you'd at least be taking a chance, hoping I wouldn't catch it or hoping I would make an exception. But those things haven't happened today, so please let me do my job and except it.

Whew. Well. That's really about it. Lighten up, everybody. Life is awesome, and it's great to be alive, and you should always thank God that you're here because this is the raddest time to ever be alive, but it doesn't always go smoothly. Don't need to be a Debbie Downer, don't need to be a pessimist, but just be cool whenever things go wrong, because just about every time things do go wrong, it's for a damn good reason that you probably don't understand and will most likely never understand.

Cool. Keep rockin'.

Corbin

mental checklists never work

So for years I've been trying to convince myself that I can make "mental checklists," that is to say, I tell myself, "I need to go shopping for a few things. I'm sure if I wander around Wal-Mart for a few minutes I'll remember what I need to get and pick them up as I go..." In reality, of course, I go there, get 2 things, and then as I'm walking into the check out ailse go "I KNOW I needed more than this, but I just can't think of what else I needed...!"

Then I get home, live for 20 minutes, realize all the crap I didn't get, and weep alone in a corner for a while.

So as has been stated, I'm moving out, sooner rather than later. I can't really afford to do such a thing until after Friday, which is when I get paid, because I'm more than a little broke right now. Speaking of, let me check my bank account  ....

gasp.

Moving on. I need to make a checklist of "Things I need to survive." Let's first make a list of things I will have when I move in:

• Fridge
• Microwave
• Stove/oven
• Internet
• TV
• Cooking things (pots, pans)
• Couch (Bed)
• Broom (pretty sure there's already one of those)
• Shower supplies (soap, shampoo, towel, loofa)
• Laundry supplies (basket, detergent)
• Bedding (blankets, pillow)

Now let me think of as many things as I can that I think I still need:

• Iron + ironing board
• wireless internet receiver for my X-Box
• Plates/cups/bowls/utensils (might be able get away with buying plastic for a while)
• GPS (uhg. This won't be cheap. But I don't know the area so it's going to be almost necessary)
• Printer

Uhg. See, this is what I'm talking about. I know this is a decent list but I know there will be other things. For those of you who know of other things I'll need, feel free to shout at me.

On random note, people at banks piss me off. I don't even think I'm allowed to talk about it, so I won't. Let's just say if a teller asks you for something, just freaking give it to him. He's doing it for your sake, his sake, and the bank's sake. You probably will not understand, so don't bother and don't ask.

Whew.

Ok.

Bye.

C-Dubs

obligatory update

I was about to make a semi-long facebook status about my day/week, but then I decided I haven't blogged in a while so might as well toss my words around.

Reindeer Monologues is over. Thank God. All blame aside -- both on myself and others -- I'm just glad the show is over. It was tough making it an enjoyable experience after a while. Gonna stop talking about it because it might lead me into a rant. And besides, I have a theater blog for that type of thing.

Last Mass rehearsals going well. We're done blocking. We don't premier in over a month. Just realized how long this rehearsal process is going to be. Not in a bad way (I hope). I mean with every show it's different. Some shows NEED a long rehearsal process, and they still barely get ready in time... Some, simply, don't. I don't think this show is going to need as long a rehearsal process as it has, but I hope this doesn't lead us to "peak" the show too early. That is, to have done the show so many times and "perfected" it, so to speak, so early that by the time the audience comes around the actors are just sick and tired of it. I have faith we'll be fine, though.

I never want to drink ever again. Yet another reason to dislike Reindeer: the cast party. Not that I didn't have fun. Just maybe too much fun.

Decided yesterday I was going to get my shit taken care of today. Woke up at 7. Got my liscence plate (finally). Baller. Went to the lawyer, gave him my ticket so he could take care of it. Baller. Went to work. They were like, "You're here an hour early!"

Damnit. So I didn't clock in for an hour. That's ok, I'm reading 3 plays and a novel. Why, sure, I'll tell you what I'm reading! "Rozencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead" by Tom Stoppard (for my script reading group), "Over the Taven" and "King O' The Moon" by Tom Dudzick (parts 1 and 2 of the Over the Taven series, "Last Mass" being part 3) [...lol, 2 Toms] and, the old favorite, "World War Z" by Max Brooks. Now, mind you, I'm only reading one play at a time while I'm reading "Z". I can keep Shakespeare's boys in Hamlet and the zombie apocalypse separate in my head, but I don't think I'm going to ever try to read more than one play at once... That's just me..

Other than that, just hoping to move into my new place soon... My friend who lives in the theater I work at agreed to let me move into her living room. They're completely separate rooms connected only by the giant space which is the shop itself, so as long as my girl friend and my parents don't see anything wrong with it (which, they don't) then I don't. Should be pretty cheap, too.

So now you know.

Corbin

do i see the clouds, or the sun behind them?

Got a lot to work on at the moment. First is my job. Speaking of, gotta take a drive through customer real quick...

And another one...

Whew. Ok.

Yes, I need to work on my job. It's really, really hard not to complain about it. For a while it wasn't so bad, but I guess during the holidays banks get busier. Gee, who woulda thunk it? It comes with the territory I suppose. Grin and bear it. I'll do my best.

The Reindeer Monologues has been going... well. I worked really hard on this show, and just because not every single person who sees it loves it doesn't mean I can't feel good about my work. I mean, yes, the only thing that really matters at the end of a show is whether or not the audience enjoyed it, but I also can't use their opinions as clout to beat myself up. Trust me, that would be all too easy to do. But beating myself up is something I'm trying to do less, so here's to not feeling like shit.

Then I'm also in another show. Rehearsals start today for me. "The Last Mass at St. Casimir's". It's a good show, I'm pretty excited. It feels weird being in 2 shows at once... I don't know why, I've done it before. I've been in 4 shows at once (techically 5) so I should be used to this. I guess it's because this time I'm doing one show and rehearsing another, whereas that one time in college I was in rehearsal for 5 shows that went up at the same time. That was so much fun. Then again, 3 of them were One Acts, 1 of them was just foley sound for a radio show, and 1 of them was a chorus part in the local high school's production of "High School Musical". Fun times.

So in one respect, my mind wants to say "Look at all the clouds." But in another it wants to say "But look at the sun behind them."

I'm trying. I mean it's not hard to see the sun, that's not the problem. It's acknowledging the stark difference between the two, and realizing what I should be grateful for.

Corbin

what are the holidays for, anyway?

So we've got the holidays, right? Those Red Letter Days. Those days that people love because they don't have work, or they get out of work early, so they can spend time alone, or with their families, or whatever. Relax, chill out! If we worked every day of the year we'd die, right? How would we handle our stresses? etc etc etc

Well not everyone does get a day off. What about all those live television shows on Thanksgiving and Christmas? All those football games or basketball games or whatever? Why? Do we really need television 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year? Granted I don't know everything there is to know about television stations -- maybe they do take days off, after all, could they just program one day's TV in, hit play, and walk away? -- but still, TV stations make a great effort to let everyone know that they're the ones playing something special on these holidays. But so what? Why don't we as Americans say to ourselves and to every working man and woman around us, "Hey, we deserve a day off, all of us, so how about we all just relax at home with our families or with ourselves and take a well deserved break?"

Every. Single. One of us. And then, the next day, just get back to work.

I guess I just don't understand how a few days a year can't be taken off in some respects. I guess there are probably examples of people who literally cannot take breaks -- emergency personel, etc -- but other than that, it just seems like money-gubbing-greed. Most of us have families -- and if we don't, we still deserve a break every once in a while.

This seems so pointless after I wrote it all out. Oh well. I guess I just had to ask myself the question and it wouldn't shut up in my head until I wrote down something that slightly resembled answers. Who are the holidays for if not everyone can relax?

The lucky ones, I guess.

Corbin

the sad and scary truth

Ok my friends. How the hell did you all do it? How? I know you, out there: YEAH, YOU! The one who in highschool had a job that paid $300 a week, and had bought your own car, and had made good grades, and so you were set for life. How'd you do it?! I made $300 a MONTH and worked my ass off, and I couldn't buy a car, there wasn't enough money and ... and ... and...!!

Basically, my problem is as such: I'm a college graduate who is buying a car, and so, very soon, I will have car payments, insurance payments, and student loans to pay. So how the hell am I gonna be able to move out of the house?! I can't get another job because I work all day into the night where I proceed to go directly to rehearsal. I don't know how I'd ever make ends meet if I had my $10/hr job to pay for rent, car, insurance...?! How the...!??!?!?
Whew. Ok. I just wanted to ask you how you did it. If I could gone back and tell my younger self what to do, it would've been "Buy a car in high school", or at least in college. This whole thing just seems so ridiculous. And freaking impossible.

Anyway. That's my life right now. This was just a violent outburst, though, because I'm very happy right now. I just get caught up in thinking about how I'll ever be able to get out of my house. I swear that sometimes it feels impossible and I wonder how anybody else does it in the first place.

Updated my theatre blog. Go read it now.

k thnx bai.
c-dubs.

like mountains beyond mountains

Ok, this is bad. I'm bored and so I'm making a blog post. This probably won't end well.

I guess I do have one kind of interesting thing to say. A good friend of mine informed me of an old habit he had in college that I'm thinking of picking up. Every morning he would take 5-10 minutes and spill out his thoughts onto paper as soon as he woke up. This fascinates me, because I really don't think much as soon as I wake up. I just wonder if I have time enough to hit the snooze alarm, or I just go into zen-prepare-self-for-day mode. I would really like to find out what would happen if I tried this.

My second thought about it is this: my handwriting is attrocious, and I can't imagine it would be any better as soon as I wake my sorry self up bright and early, so should I just make it a regular entry on my blog? Wake up, go straight to my computer with the entry blank and waiting, type for 5 minutes, post it, and go? Sounds like it could either be fun or a total waste of space on the internet.

I think I'm going to try and do it on paper. My thoughts unfettered and unedited that early in the morning might not be shareable with the entire world. Hm. Sorry if that let anyone down. I doubt it did, though...

Anyway. I'm going to go back to reading "The Invention of Love" by Tom Stoppard. I've been reading it for about a month on-and-off because it's really, really hard to get through... Can't say I enjoy it too terribly much but it is rich and sort of interesting... It's a "smart person play" and as you can tell, I'm really not one of those people. Oh well.

In case you're unaware, I started a new theatre blog. Find it at god-of-the-theatre.blogspot.com.

Thanks for your pains,
Corb

Veteran's Day post (sorry, this is a long one.)

So today is Verteran's day, AKA, "Oh yeah, didn't my grandpa or like, an uncle or something fight in a war once...?" to a lot of Americans. But to a lot of others, it's a time to remember and give thanks for someone they know and love who has fought, died, or is currently involved in the war going on right now in the Middle East, or any other war for that matter. I just want to give a quick shout out to everyone I know in the armed forces: My deceased grandfather, Bill; Bob Wicks, family friend; Nick Suddarth, long time friend and martial arts companion; Krystal Heib, aaannd... I'm sure I'm missing at least one or two other people, so thank you all and your families for your service.

As a result of today, the bank in which I am currently making this post from is quite dead. Yes, very much so. I've made 2 transactions today. I've spent most my time doing other things on the computer.

The reason it's dead could be very simple: that everyone knows we're on Friday's business day anyway and that we have been since 4 o'clock yesterday... But I like to think that maybe it's dead because people are really using it as a day of rest and remembrance for all of our awesome men and women in the armed forces. That's a nice thought, I'll keep rolling with that one.

A time like this also serves as a personal reflection on my part, where I remember a time a while ago, back in high school, when I wanted to join the Army instead of going to college. I wanted to be a part of something larger than myself: to serve my country and my loved ones in a way that I could be proud of for the rest of my life. Back then, "College" just looked to me like one big drunken state of debachery. Movies and television bombarded me with images of frat parties, substance abuse, and, ultimately, unhappiness. I never wanted to go to college.

But things changed. My parents convinced me to do otherwise. I listened. I went. I've ranted for hours and hours and pages and pages about my college experience so I won't go into that... But deep down inside I've always wanted to join the Army.

My most recent brush in with a veteran, however, frightened me in a way I can't really describe. I was at America's Pub in Westport, talking sports, politics, etc with a friend of mine, and the bartender spoke up. The place was completely dead, so he mixed himself a drink while he non-chalantly explained that he used to be a Green Beret -- that his job entailed training guerrilla armies to overthrow governments, that his job entailed throwing bombs disguised as food rations to children, that he had killed many, many people and that he didn't feel sorry for it one bit.

And then when you read about those soldiers who killed innocent civilians for sport, and just to see if they could get away with it...

What would I have done if I had witnessed some of these things? Would I have tried to put a stop to it? To do something about it? To do the right thing?

Jeeze. I dunno.

Life's scary.

But I don't mean in any way to lessen the value of our armed forces. Thanks again, guys and gals, for all your work and service. I'm indebted to you in a way I can't put a price on. Thank you.

-Corbin

angry much?

Ok. Sometimes, I get angry. Anger isn't a bad thing, but in my case, it usually is. I have a hard time being angry "in moderation."

Anyone who knows me knows that I can be passionate. Very passionate. When I love something? I love it. When I hate something? I hate it. I. Hate. It. I really, really do. And right now, I'm kinda angry.

I'm angry at facebook. Ever since I saw the movie about facebook, "The Social Network," I've had a chip on my shoulder about the whole thing.

[Just an fyi, from now on, I'm not paying attention to capitalization, I'm grabbing another beer so you can all just forget about that shit.]

so facebook. guess what, america? we've just handed over thousands of gigabytes of our personal lives to one company. one private company that can do whatever the hell they want with it. wonder why the facebook adds are so "accurate"? ever wonder why as soon as you've switched your relationship status over to "single" how all of a sudden all your adds shout out you about "singles" sites? guess what? mark zuckerberg sold you out. your personal info? sold out.

uhg. what bull shit. why the hell am i even...? i don't know...

i'll be honest with you. what pisses me off about facebook is that people take it too seriously. news flash: we are not our facebooks. we are us. i am me. you are you. if i'm not "friends with you on facebook", it doesn't mean i hate you. don't get me wrong, it could mean that, but sometimes it doesn't. maybe it means i don't need all your mindless internet dribble all over my news feed. maybe it means i don't want you seeing certain shit i put on the internet. maybe it means i don't freaking know you, so leave me alone, or get to know me better.

it's been a few months since i graduated college. there are people i knew at college that i don't really care about anymore. at all. whatsoever. in fact, in hind-sight, i guess i never really gave a damn about them. but here we are. friends on facebook. and i don't. give. a damn. about them.

so just unfriend them, corbin? no, no, my friend, it's not that simple. if only life was that simple. but people take this shit so personally. so seriously.

i know what you're thinking. 'buck up and just do it. who gives a fuck what other people think? it's your facebook and you can do whatever you want with it.'

yeah.

you're right.

but.

i probably won't do it.

oh well.

bye.

corbin

whoa, sorry about that, didn't see ya there

Hey there man,

I know it's been forever since I wrote you. I'm really sorry. I've been really busy with work and stuff.

I know that's kind of a lame excuse. But give me a break. I'm new at this whole "life in the real world" thing. I know that adults can balance family, friends, and work, but I'm still figuring out how to do that. As of right now, my life is wake up, go to work, theatre, sleep, and do it all again.

But I'll tell you what. I love every. Single. Second of it.

I'm making money. I'm doing what I love. I have free rent and food (for the moment.) What else could I ask for?

Love, perhaps.

I don't know if you heard, but my girlfriend is leaving for Peru for 3 months. It's really not that bad when you think about it. She was supposed to be gone for 6. SIX. That would've been insane.

Anyway. When I really look at it all, I feel very selfish. I don't get to spend much time with my family or friends, but I'm having a blast with my life (and making new friends... not REPLACEMENT friends, but new ones....)

But I don't know what else to say or do. I've been waiting for this since I can remember waiting for anything. I'm not "looking forward" to the next "milestone" of my life (like I had been in school: waiting for one grade to be finished until the next one was finished until I graduated so I could go on to the NEXT educational facility, etc...) I'm just living my life. Period. Like I said, I'm making money, I'm doing what I love: What else do I have to look forward to?

Marriage.

But until then, this is juuuuuust peachy.

dreams (a boring subject, i know)

recently i've been having dreams that involve people doing me wrong, and as a result me having to physically attack them. ok, i probably didn't "have to" but that's what it felt like.

for instance, this morning i had a dream that there was a group of guys who stole my GPS and my credit card, and so i beat the living shit out of 2 of them after cussing them all out and i became their leader.

this is obviously something i would never do in real life. i would like to think that if the situation arose for me to defend myself or my loved ones that i could deliver, but i'd never beat the shit out of someone like i did in that dream. i was so angry, so very very VERY ANGRY, i can't put it much more simply than that. some seriously pent up frustration going on in my head.


i'm sure it has everything to do with what's going on in my life right now. right now, i feel like maybe someone might be using me, might be doing me wrong, might be taking advantage of me. i don't really know. but it makes me so, so, SO angry to think that they might be doing such a thing. not that i would ever, EVER actually act violently upon someone who did something like just take my kindness for granted, but the feelings of frustration build up inside and manifest themselves in a violent way in my dreams.


whew. how did i ever get so angry?


-C out

Excuse me, sir, do you have a minute?

I'd love to tell you about an EXCITING NEW OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU! Yes, sir, YOU! Please, sir, this is no joke, this is no gimmick! Please have a seat in this wonderful gold and diamond-encrusted thrown you see here before you.

Sir, I would like to offer you, right now, free of charge, the amazing opportunities of... EMPLOYMENT! This is no dream, sir, this is no scam! I would like to give you a job right now so that you can have everything you've ever wanted!

Now that may be a stretch to say, of course. I mean we all know that as soon as we have "everything we've ever wanted" we want more but this will satisfy that first part for now. Don't believe me? Think about all the exciting things you'll have and be able to do because you'll have a... JOB!

Exciting thing number one!
A CAR! Yes, you'll finally be able to buy that CAR you want! You don't even know what kind you want, but you'll be able to get one and it will be yours and it will be YOUR CAR! Yes, sir, don't worry about silly things like "payments" or "insurance" at the moment, just think about the car. MMmm, sounds good doesn't it?

Exciting thing number two!
YOUR OWN PLACE TO LIVE! Yes, with a JOB you can LIVE ON YOUR OWN! In this case with a small group of friends, of course, but that's FANTASTIC as well! Because they all have jobs and cars and you don't! So now you'll be as cool as your friends AND live with them! WIN WIN WIN WIN!

Exciting thing number three!
ANYTHING ELSE THAT YOU NEED RIGHT NOW BUT CAN'T HAVE BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB!!!!!

YES, SIR, THIS IS NO JOKE, NO SHENANIGAN; I'M NOT PULLING YOUR LEG OR YANKING YOUR CHAIN OR BUSTIN' YOUR CHOPS! I have saved the best exciting thing for last. Are you ready?

Now, this last one is not one that simply comes with the job, this is something that's going to come with time, experience, and hard work. But this job is the first step on the way to this very, very exciting thing.

Are you ready?

Exciting thing number four!
A life.

So what do you say, sir? Are you in?


-C.W.H. out.

so i've got to ask myself..

Allright, so i might have this "problem", that "problem" might be that my location hinders my abilities to give a shit.

Let's peel this back by layers.

LOCATION LAYER 1: The United States of America.

this is going to sound really cliche, but i feel like Americans are practically comprised of the greatest don't-give-a-shits in the world. we love to tout about all these "freedom" stuff, that we're free to do what we want, with our freedom of speech, etc etc etc... but we just don't really care about much but ourselves. even that sort of spirals down to nothing, really. as long as we're happy we're fine, but our standards for happiness are so low it's practically useless to start with.

wouldn't i be happier anywhere else? i love Japan and Iceland, i'd love to just live there instead. they have culture and uniqueness and beauty i simply can't seem to find in the States. they have a sense of duty, responsibility, and respect for themselves and others i simply can't find in the States. so would i be better planting my roots on other shores?

LOCATION LAYER 2: Kansas.

quite possibly one of the most boring states in the U.S., but that's not so much the issue hear. i find a level of "comfort" and "complacency" in Kansas that i almost can't stand. the slow divers, the hum-drum attitude... many other habits and attitudes that i myself struggle with constantly. i haven't done an enormous amount of traveling in my day, or at least i haven't stayed in any other place besides Kansas long enough to adapt another places' attitudes, but i can safely say there's something far too "laxed" in Kansas.

this is starting to get insulting, isn't it? sorry if you're offended.

would i thrive in another state, at least? would i have more fun and excitement living on some coast, or in the mountains? would a change of scenery outside of the midwest do me whole heaps of good?

LOCATION LAYER 3: The City of Olathe.

for reasons completely unknown to me, this city has called itself "The City of Champions." but there really isn't anything to do here. i mean, i know it could be worse (i did live in Atchison for a while, and boy-o-boy...) but it's more than that i guess. it's the Johnson County attitude that might make me a little upset. so many high-income families around here, all of them adapting the same Kansas attitude as aforementioned.... sometimes just gets on my nerves.

would i be better off at least in a different CITY? Kansas City at the very least? have i just been in this suburb business for too long?

LOCATION LAYER 4: My parent's house.

i'm sure everyone can at least level with me on this one. nothing says "going nowhere" like living with your folks. no offense to anyone who still does, but this one is really killing me. this is not supposed to be the place i'm living now. i should be on my own, damnit! i should be free from my parents and their roof and their food and their insurance! i should be, but....

would i feel more alive if i just had my own place? would i be invigorated and excited to wake up every day knowing my hard work is what keeps this roof over my head? my hard work is keeping the water and electricity on?

or shouldn't i be better than that?

aren't i in charge of my own happiness?

isn't my well-being my responsibility?

haven't there been people throughout all of time and history in much worse situations than me who have found a way to be happy with it? who have still made something of their lives?

shouldn't i just be better than what i am now?

yeah, i probably should start there....

well as long as no one's looking...

should you tell a person who can't stand to see another person be happy that they need to get over their shit and move on?

that they should leave the person they can't stand to see happy alone, forget them, wipe them out of their mind, and just live their own damn life?

you know, perhaps when this happens to people (when they can't stand to see another person happy) it's because they're unhappy themselves.

and i suppose, maybe in this case, this might reasonably be supposed.

C

what i really meant to blog about

so over the past few days i've been meaning to blog about something. i forgot about it in my last post earlier today. as you can guess, since i am now unemployed, i'm going to have a lot more time on my hands for things like blogging. but maybe 2 posts a day is pushing it.

anyway, i've had an interesting/terrifying dream life as of late. i hate it hate it HATE IT when people share with me their dreams, because most of the time i can't see how it relates to anything. if your dream was random, well, cool, i guess, but do you really need to spend 15 minutes explaining it to me when i have no idea what your talking about or it isn't connected to anything? anyway... my dreams have had a common theme to them recently. i guess when i say "recently" i'll come clean with you and just say that i've had 2 similar dreams in the past month, which isn't even that big a deal, but due to the content it's been a little disturbing that i had more than one of them...

in my first one, i was on a train. not a passenger train, but a freight train on a flatbed cart. the tracks ran through the middle of a city and were elevated about 50 feet in the air. to my left and right were train tracks elevated 80 or so feet in the air, with trains moving in the same direction but at varying speeds. i knew i wasn't supposed to be on the train, but i didn't know where to go: it's elevated and going 90 mph. i look to my left and see the train on the tracks above me going faster than the one i'm on, and on the back of it i realize, with a rising horror, that there's a woman who's hung herself connected to the last track.

her rope is long, so she's flailing wildly on the back of this super fast train. she's in a white night gown, with red hair, but i can't see her face. i look up ahead and see a bridge the train is going to go under. i mutter under my breath, "no, no, noooo....!" but it's no use. her body flaps into the side of the bridge with a horrible splatting sound. she remains connected to the rope, but more limp than before. out of her clothing, white papers fly everywhere. i know without seeing what's written on them that they're suicide notes.

i make my way around the train and find that it's got cages full of women on the carts. these women are going to be sold in human trafficking businesses. i know this without hearing it, i just know it. some of the women have escaped the cages, but only so that they could follow suit of the red haired girl. all around me i start to see more and more women who have hung themselves, all swaying and rocking in motion to the fast moving train.



skip ahead a few weeks to last night.

my dream is animated, like a Japanese cartoon. people are throwing themselves into traffic. everywhere. there is blood everywhere. everywhere. blood. everywhere. people just keep running into busses and cars by the masses.



so what's this all about, anyway? what's going on? what is my "subconscious" (hahaha) trying to tell me in all this? am i suicidal? am i sick? twisted? i dunno, am i?

to be fair, though, yesterday i watched a great Japanese animated film called "Paprika", and there is a scene where people try to kill themselves, so maybe last night's suicide-capade had something to do with that...

and speaking of suicide, i just watched a great Japanese horror film involving the subject called "Pulse". it was made in 2001, when we Americans were making shit horror films such as "Bones" starring Snoop Dogg.

America :-P

Japan

in "Pulse", Kiyoshi Kurosawa (writer) explores human curiosity, loneliness, isolation, despair, suicide, and death. he puts a slow pace to the movie, but adds a sense of iriness and creepiness that is compounded by the music, direction, acting, and cinematography that American films have simply almost NEVER been able to master, let alone ATTEMPT. now "Bones", well... ok I haven't seen "Bones" but com'on, look at it. who in their right mind WOULD like to see a horror film with the tagline "Unleash the Dogg"? would someone please forbid movies like this from ever happening?

ok, this post has gone on long enough and i've said all i have to say. take care of yourselves, all, and remember: most of the time, almost every other country is better at making movies and music than America. if you don't believe me, you haven't been culturing yourself enough.

with that pretentiousness out of the way, i'm out.

corbin

for the thoughts that won't fit in a facebook status

so i quit my job today, and not a moment too soon... seems as though i've developed a case of something that looks a lot like bronchitis. in case you didn't know, i worked in a Pac Sun warehouse throwing boxes and boxes and boxes of jeans, shoes, shirts, and some really ugly blouses. i woke up at 4:20 a.m. to get to work by 5, and quitin' time was 3:45 p.m... a month later after working there, and i end it with a case of lung-hacking-phlegm-spitting-fun.

i'm trying my best to not sound like a whiney pants but i'm not doing such a good job...

could i share with you a very big flaw of mine? i have a "justification complex". i feel as though i have to justify my decisions to everyone, that somehow everyone who knows me and everyone who doesn't know me is watching every move and marking down little red "X"s in their notebook of Corbin. but there are a lot of flaws to this..well..flaw.

while stumbling one day, i found a list of things to remember about life. one of them spoke to me very strongly: "No one thinks about you as much as you do." i struggle a lot with this problem. why do i think people are always thinking about me? talking about me? what kind of person does that make me in my head?

do i really think people are reading this? are they? if they aren't, does that bother me?

[no, no, yes]

anyway, if anyone has any job prospects, hit me up, because i'm ready to grace any workplace with my sparkling, optimistic, smiling presence.

now if you'll excuse me, i've got to go cough up more pieces of my lungs.

thanks,
corbin

a post for the sake of one

i guess i haven't really explained the reason for the name of my blog.

last year in my playwriting class, we had the infamous 'first line last line' assignment. this is when the teacher gives the writers in the class the first line and the last line of a scene they must write. the lines in this case were:

1st line: "It was like Gibraltar."
Last line: "Sometimes. Like a duck."

my scene wasn't all that great, mind you, but i still had fun with it. it just got me thinking today about something. God's first line was something to the degree of: "Let's do this thing." Bam shang zing pow and here we are. we who follow Christ believe the last line to be something like "OK kids, time to come home, let's go!" so we get to make up what goes on in the middle there.

that's a lot of pressure.

try as i may recently, i can't seem to get very much right in this whole "middle section". we're somewhere in between the beginning and the end, no one just knows where exactly on the timeline that is. all we know is that moment by moment we're at the farthest point of the line its ever been. that's about it.

so what are you doing?

i'll get something right one of these days. i won't acknowledge it and neither should you, but when it happens, i'll sit back and smile, and tell myself, "see corbin? there ya go. that wasn't so hard."

and now i shall leave you with my 'first line last line' scene i wrote for playwriting class.

good day.
c

"Sun in the clouds"

SISTER

It was like Gibraltar.

SIS

What the fuck does that even mean?

SISTER

Us I.T. people were camped out in a glade, 'cause we program computers, we don't know how to play freaking paintball, right? And out of nowhere, from the rear, we get hammered by the management and public relations...

SIS

That's what she said.

SISTER

And when the battle was over, the same result: we were done for, and the attacking side barely had any loses. Except for the boss, he got nailed pretty badly in the face. That's why it reminded me of Gibraltar, you know...

SIS

Actually I have no idea. You know the most random shit, I swear...

SISTER

But guess who shot our boss in the face?

SIS

You?

SISTER

Yes! That's right! How did you know?

SIS

Well I don't know anyone else you work with, so it was my only good guess.

SISTER

Well I did. It was my only shot the whole game. I leapt out of the way from the ambush, fired one shot into them, got pummeled six times before I hit the ground... But boss got hit, pow! Right in the face! It was very empowering.

SIS

I heard that shit hurts. You got any bruises? Battle scars?

SISTER

A few, but they're in indecent places to show in a cafe.

SIS

Uh-huh. I need a smoke. Let's go.

SISTER

Oh ok. What the heck, right?

(They go outside.)

SIS

You got a cig I can bum?

SISTER

So you just wanted to bum one of me, huh? What if I didn't have any? You're quite lucky that I just bought a new pack...

SIS

Gimme that. (She opens them) Oh sweetie, you cannot be related to me if this is how you pack your cigarettes.... (She packs the cigarettes)

SISTER

What? What difference does that even make?

SIS

They last longer.

SISTER

Oh. So you just bang on them really hard like that for a long time?

SIS

Yes. Bang really hard for a long time. (She lights up)

SISTER

(An embarrassed giggle. She lights up. They stand and smoke.)

This was good! I'm so glad we had this afternoon off to talk. It's so nice to talk with you, sis.

SIS

Yeah, nice.

SISTER

Really, I needed this. Wow. What an empowering week! Shot my boss, got tipsy last night, had a great night, too, by the way... Bought a new pack of cigarettes, smoking them with my little sister outside of a cafe in a busy city! Mmm!

SIS

You betcha.

SISTER

Whew, last night, what a crazy night, sis, I tell ya... Whew...

SIS

Got crazy, huh? What'd you have, a shot of tequila and a Michelobe Ultra ?

SISTER

Two Michelobes! And that shot of tequilla!

SIS

Absolutely insane.

SISTER

And I was just a dancing machine out there! I totally danced with some hot dudes!

SIS

Hot dudes. Wow.

SISTER

This one man –  Andy, I think his name was – Ooo, sis, he was really something. We got to talking, we talked there for a long time, after all the dancing, of course. That's how we met, we just started dancing together and then we went off and he bought me that shot... And then, well...

SIS

(Genuinely interested now) No, you didn't!

SISTER

Yes! Yes, I did! And oh, oh my goodness, was he something, oh...

SIS

Holy shit, are you kidding me? Wow! You whore!

SISTER

We took a picture together in the bar, and it's a good thing, too, because I don't remember much after that... (getting out her phone)

SIS

I've gotta see this...

SISTER

(showing the picture) Take a look at that hunk of meat, mm! Oh and he was really something...

SIS

(After a pause) Wait. You... you slept with this guy?

SISTER

Well there wasn't much sleeping, believe me...

SIS

That uh... Wow. That explains a lot.

SISTER

What do you mean?

SIS

Someone was supposed to call me last night. Guess he was a little busy. Huh.

SISTER

What are you talking about?

SIS

Nothing. Just... some... jerk... (She lights up another cigarette)

SISTER

Anyway... I hope he calls me again. I haven't had much luck in the past with that happening, though...

SIS

Fucking... bastard...

SISTER

I know, right? Men can be just like ducks sometimes, you know?

SIS

No, once again, I don't.

SISTER

Well after male ducks mate with female ducks, they just leave them with the eggs, and the female ducks carry them on their own...

SIS

On their own, yup...

SISTER

Gosh, I wish I could remember his last name... I hate not knowing full names... Andy... Andy...

SIS

Harris.

SISTER

Harris! Yes, that's--! Wait a minute, how...?

SIS

Are you that fucking dense? You haven't picked up on it yet?

SISTER

Sis...? What--?

SIS

You know what? Forget it. My break's over, I have to go.

SISTER

I don't understand, wait, do you know this guy?

SIS

Uh, yeah, I kind of do, but not anymore.

SISTER

Wait, sis, please, I'm sorry, I didn't--

SIS

Well how could you? Forget it. Good bye.

SISTER

Wait!

(SIS leaves. SISTER stands alone. After a while she lights another cigarette. SISTER talks to herself.)

And sometimes, there is one female duck left alone, without a mate. Animals... sometimes we're just like a bunch of animals... Sometimes. Like a duck.

(She puts out the cigarette and goes inside. Lights out.)

the ending is pretty forced, i know... but whatevs. ;-)   

try it yourself

aight, so a few things, right?

so the other day i was working and then i got real bad lower chest/upper abdomen pains? but that isn't a big deal cuz i might've thrown up a little on friday (more of that anon.) what was a little weird was the shortness of breath. so i went to the hospital and now i've got an....inhaler.

so i'm a dork level 9 now, that's cool.

(except replace me with the old guy.)

so then at work today, our supervisor told us that we need to keep our music down in the parking lot when we pull in to work. i guess those 15 seconds it takes to go from one's car to the door are very important to some people.

so i just got a ... position (i hesitate to use the word "job") as the assistant stage manager for She & Her Production's "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown." that's pretty rad. it got me to thinking, i want to move into Kansas City. now. right now. i mean, i'm going to have to find a job first, and a place to live, and buy a car.. but i'm moving to Kansas City as soon as i can. alone or otherwise.

oh yeah, i was gonna elaborate on the "throwing up" thing. i keep on having bad encounters with malt beverages and other distilled liquors. i'm trying to wean myself off of these things. "wean" is incorrect cause i guess i've just decided to just stop altogether.

i'm not looking for street cred or compliments. i'm not looking for anything. just some more control. less feelings of guilt. an overall increase in health would be nice. diet changes are also in the works. expensive ones, but hopefully ones worth while.

he's out,
Corbin