Thursday, September 9, 2010

so i've got to ask myself..

Allright, so i might have this "problem", that "problem" might be that my location hinders my abilities to give a shit.

Let's peel this back by layers.

LOCATION LAYER 1: The United States of America.

this is going to sound really cliche, but i feel like Americans are practically comprised of the greatest don't-give-a-shits in the world. we love to tout about all these "freedom" stuff, that we're free to do what we want, with our freedom of speech, etc etc etc... but we just don't really care about much but ourselves. even that sort of spirals down to nothing, really. as long as we're happy we're fine, but our standards for happiness are so low it's practically useless to start with.

wouldn't i be happier anywhere else? i love Japan and Iceland, i'd love to just live there instead. they have culture and uniqueness and beauty i simply can't seem to find in the States. they have a sense of duty, responsibility, and respect for themselves and others i simply can't find in the States. so would i be better planting my roots on other shores?


quite possibly one of the most boring states in the U.S., but that's not so much the issue hear. i find a level of "comfort" and "complacency" in Kansas that i almost can't stand. the slow divers, the hum-drum attitude... many other habits and attitudes that i myself struggle with constantly. i haven't done an enormous amount of traveling in my day, or at least i haven't stayed in any other place besides Kansas long enough to adapt another places' attitudes, but i can safely say there's something far too "laxed" in Kansas.

this is starting to get insulting, isn't it? sorry if you're offended.

would i thrive in another state, at least? would i have more fun and excitement living on some coast, or in the mountains? would a change of scenery outside of the midwest do me whole heaps of good?

LOCATION LAYER 3: The City of Olathe.

for reasons completely unknown to me, this city has called itself "The City of Champions." but there really isn't anything to do here. i mean, i know it could be worse (i did live in Atchison for a while, and boy-o-boy...) but it's more than that i guess. it's the Johnson County attitude that might make me a little upset. so many high-income families around here, all of them adapting the same Kansas attitude as aforementioned.... sometimes just gets on my nerves.

would i be better off at least in a different CITY? Kansas City at the very least? have i just been in this suburb business for too long?

LOCATION LAYER 4: My parent's house.

i'm sure everyone can at least level with me on this one. nothing says "going nowhere" like living with your folks. no offense to anyone who still does, but this one is really killing me. this is not supposed to be the place i'm living now. i should be on my own, damnit! i should be free from my parents and their roof and their food and their insurance! i should be, but....

would i feel more alive if i just had my own place? would i be invigorated and excited to wake up every day knowing my hard work is what keeps this roof over my head? my hard work is keeping the water and electricity on?

or shouldn't i be better than that?

aren't i in charge of my own happiness?

isn't my well-being my responsibility?

haven't there been people throughout all of time and history in much worse situations than me who have found a way to be happy with it? who have still made something of their lives?

shouldn't i just be better than what i am now?

yeah, i probably should start there....

1 comment:

  1. If you are not content with where you are coming from you will never be happy with where you are going. That doesn't mean that you have to love where you're coming from and desire to live there for ever and ever, but you do need to appreciate your roots, they are what made you who you are.

    In terms of living at your parents house, big deal. It's hard, yeah, but it would be a lot harder if you didn't have such a refuge. You complain about Americans' selfish frame of mind, yet your reason for wanting to leave your parent's house is "my house" "my job" "support myself". You need to let go of that middle class suburbia mentality before you'll be happy.

    You make your own way in life. It is what you make it. You could be homeless and happier than a lot of yuppie scum. Paul says he has found the secret to happiness. It's in being content with where God has placed you while always seeking where God wants you. If he wants you In Olathe, KS USA for the rest of your life, you need to seek the joy in that existence. America is a great place full of deep heritage. The unfortunate thing is that we have buried that heritage because it isn't the heritage that we want. It is not one of wealth and pleasure. It is one of dirt, hard work, quiet and stillness. Perhaps if you seek that heritage you will find a few answers of your own.

    I post this long comment because you are falling into an all too familiar trap. Watch out. You will compromise yourself for some temporary happiness instead of doing the work to seek out some permanent joy. Forward, always forward, everywhere forward!