Excuse me, sir, do you have a minute?

I'd love to tell you about an EXCITING NEW OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU! Yes, sir, YOU! Please, sir, this is no joke, this is no gimmick! Please have a seat in this wonderful gold and diamond-encrusted thrown you see here before you.

Sir, I would like to offer you, right now, free of charge, the amazing opportunities of... EMPLOYMENT! This is no dream, sir, this is no scam! I would like to give you a job right now so that you can have everything you've ever wanted!

Now that may be a stretch to say, of course. I mean we all know that as soon as we have "everything we've ever wanted" we want more but this will satisfy that first part for now. Don't believe me? Think about all the exciting things you'll have and be able to do because you'll have a... JOB!

Exciting thing number one!
A CAR! Yes, you'll finally be able to buy that CAR you want! You don't even know what kind you want, but you'll be able to get one and it will be yours and it will be YOUR CAR! Yes, sir, don't worry about silly things like "payments" or "insurance" at the moment, just think about the car. MMmm, sounds good doesn't it?

Exciting thing number two!
YOUR OWN PLACE TO LIVE! Yes, with a JOB you can LIVE ON YOUR OWN! In this case with a small group of friends, of course, but that's FANTASTIC as well! Because they all have jobs and cars and you don't! So now you'll be as cool as your friends AND live with them! WIN WIN WIN WIN!

Exciting thing number three!
ANYTHING ELSE THAT YOU NEED RIGHT NOW BUT CAN'T HAVE BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB!!!!!

YES, SIR, THIS IS NO JOKE, NO SHENANIGAN; I'M NOT PULLING YOUR LEG OR YANKING YOUR CHAIN OR BUSTIN' YOUR CHOPS! I have saved the best exciting thing for last. Are you ready?

Now, this last one is not one that simply comes with the job, this is something that's going to come with time, experience, and hard work. But this job is the first step on the way to this very, very exciting thing.

Are you ready?

Exciting thing number four!
A life.

So what do you say, sir? Are you in?


-C.W.H. out.