Monday, February 28, 2011

leave it to me to make things dramatic...

this is life, isn't it? you try, and you work, and you hope, and you pray, cross your fingers... and things don't always work out. but it's all about how you handle the things that don't work out. i'm just going to have to handle this to the best of my abilities.

here's my situation: i want to be independent, more than i want to do theatre, more than i want to do anything else. the only way to do that is to buckle down, work more, earn as much money as i can, and get out. the way i've been doing things so far, though... well, i just can't keep doing what i've been doing.

without looking too far into the future, the thing i've been thinking that would be best to do is just to cease all superfluous activity that won't make me money for a long time. no more theater, no more concerts, no unnecessary outings (as much fun as they are.) i'm moving back into my house at Olathe (as much as it PAINS ME to type those words), i'm going to try to pick up another job, and save, save, save.

i was thinking i could try to be big mr. independent-theatre-guy right out of the gates of college. this just isn't so. theatre has become a very expensive hobby, both in time and money. the thing i have to remind myself is: it will always be there. it isn't going anywhere. i'm not going to take up one day and all the theaters are gone, "Oh no, I missed my chance!" but i'm not getting anymore financially stable staying involved in it. in fact, quite the opposite. i wanted to make theatre my career, i wanted to teach it. but right now it's taking up too much of my time and money and it's not helping me get on my feet. once i'm on my feet, then i can start thinking about a responsible way to participate in the art that i love so much.

but for right now, play time's over.

maybe this is an over-reaction to things falling apart around me.
maybe this is an over-reaction to things not going the way i thought they would.
maybe this is an over-reaction in response to excessive amounts of anger and stress that i've been experiencing in my life lately.

maybe it is.
but i need to point myself in some direction.
as of the past 2 weeks, i have had none.
so at least if i tell myself what i want to do, if i can wake up everyday and say to myself "you've got a plan, Corbin, you've got to stay the course..."

then maybe i can make it out of this thing alive.
but as of right now...

i can't keep going the way i've been going.

thanks for listening,

Monday, February 7, 2011

of no importance

Today I decided to just talk about what's going on in my life. It's sort of a way for me to get things in order, to reflect, to maybe take notice of where I should be putting more of my time and energy.

  • Currently reading: "Different Seasons" by Stephen King, "Rediscovering Catholocism" by Matthew Kelly, and "Proposals" by Neil Simon.
  • Currently listening to lots of: The Naked and Famous (think M83 with more vocals, especially female, and a little poppier); Jonsi (lead singer of Sigur Ros, amazing CD); and Peter Fox (German rap/hip hop artist. Psh, yeah).
  • Judged my first forensics tournament this weekend. It was a lot of fun! I'd love to do it again. I judged "Informative Speeches". Some were pretty rad, some not, but they all tried their hardest and did pretty decent jobs.
  • Won $50 at a Super Bowl party last night from the final score numbers. Booyah.
  • My room is still in a bit of disaray from the party I threw last weekend. Need to get that checked into today.
  • My dream last night was that I was in a building where it was heaven upstairs, hell downstairs. You could only get downstairs by a really creepy ladder that came out of a hole in the floor. In heaven you could swim if you imagined the room was filled with water and fly if you imagined you were in the sky, and I got scared a few times because I started flying when I meant to swim... Oh yeah, and Satan was Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds, Green Hornet) and he was directing a play and I was the designer for lights and set. Huh.
  • Been spending all my free time playing Tetris and watching movies on Netflix and old ones I downloaded ages ago but hadn't watched til just now. Of note are "The Road", "Vanilla Sky", and the PBS production of "Macbeth" with Patrick Stewart. All these movies are amazing. And my highest score on Tetris has been 93 lines.
Whew. I feel better just laying it all out like that.

That's all.


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

i owe it to you, i owe it to myself

... to make a post.

For the past few weeks I've wanted to write, but had nothing to say. My motto is, if you don't have anything worth saying, shut your damn pie hole. Then a good friend (who's stunningly good looking, btw) asked me to blog, and as luck would have it, I did read an interesting article today I think sparked a little... what...? anger? resentment? that I felt would be worth saying a thing or two about.

No doubt that some of you have heard of this, or have already seen the video, but here it is. It's the sting operation done on Planned Parenthood. To be honest, I haven't seen the video myself because I've been at work, but this article which contains a link to the video explains a lot of what was said, and needless to say it's troubling.

Don't feel like going through all that trouble? Read on and I'll summarize a bit... What we have here is an organization dedicated to making sure as many abortions happen as possible. Period. That's their bottom line. They may claim that their intentions are good, that they want to 'help' poor young people in tough situations, etc, but their actions don't support this. They consistently break the law by ignoring cases of statutory rape and actual rape by accepting said cases and not telling parents and/or authorities. They break the law to keep their numbers up and make sure there's no trouble that could disrupt business. It's dirty, unlawful, irresponsible, and sickening to think that they'll stop at nothing just to make sure people can have abortions whenever they want it.

I guess it just bothers me that Catholics get so much shit sometimes. I guess it just bothers me that I know people or are even friends with people who think all Catholic priests are a bunch of child molesters but who support Planned Parenthood and their actions. Where are their torches and pitch forks for PP? Where are the Dateline specials? Where is the outrage, the protesting? Oh, but those dirty Catholics, gotta make sure that shit stops right now.

And you know what, you're right. And you know what, we're trying. And so are the priests involved. But you know what I don't see? Any guilt or amendments from Planned Parenthood. They know what they do is wrong, they know they're breaking the law. But no one cares. They don't care, their supporters don't care, and somehow the law doesn't even seem like they're going to take action, because PP's going to continue to get grants and funding for their work. At least Catholics know that the priest scandal was appalling and we're trying to fix it. But this? This shouldn't stand.

Just makes me sick is all.