I have no idea what the title of this post is going to be. I'm just going to write for a bit and see what I make of it all later.
So my last post was in June... It's been a while I guess. Well, at least it seems like it's been a while to me. In many ways, it feels like I'm coasting through life. In many other ways, it feels like my life changes drastically from day to day.
I'm becoming a lot more clean and organized as a person. A long time ago (I don't remember when) a wise man once told me (I don't remember who) that ... that... Well, it wasn't really a quote, it was just an idea: The cleanliness and organization of the spaces in your life reflect the life in your mind. If you feel like your life is one big insane mess, your bedroom probably reflects that. So I've begun making my environment (both at home and at work) clean(ish), and I can't tell you how much more calm I feel as a result of it all. Anxiety rarely rears its ugly head as long as my desk is clean, my room is clean, this shop is clean.
I never thought I'd grow up to be this person one day.
I've also developed an aversion to people whose life and problems seem petty to me. I've been encountering people (both new friends and old friends) whose time and energy seem wasted on absolutely ridiculous things. Allow me to clarify what I mean by this: Basically, my philosophy in life is that YOU ARE IN CONTROL. You might say, "What about hurricanes? Or cancer? Or God?" Yeah, those are pretty powerful forces, but You Are in Control of How You Handle Things Outside of Your Control. So basically, if there's someone in my life whose problems seem to bother them but who don't feel the need to make any attempt at taking control of the situation, it kind of drives me crazy.
No, not drives me crazy .. It's not like I go "AHHH! I CAN'T HANDLE YOUR BULLSHIT!" and run away. It feels more like we're on two separate boats and as soon as I hear them bitch about something dumb that they do have control of but choose not to fix the problem themselves, I put my hands on their boat and lightly push myself away from them. A slow drift occurs as the tides of time gently move us apart in different directions. I'll stand and wave slowly while they talk to themselves about something dumb that they can get over if they just tried.
That being said, if you feel like you and I are drifting apart, reader; don't take this too personally. Sometimes my boat and my friends' boats drift apart naturally. Sometimes our boats drift apart due to neglect, either intentional or unintentional. Sometimes we drift apart because because I get lazy, or busy, or selfish. If you ever want to talk, I'm always up for it. I've been getting a little ... homesick? Nostalgic? Not sure what it is. A strange combination of those things. Basically, as a result of me planning the rest of my year recently in which events include engagement, marriage, grad school, and moving away to God-knows-where -- I've been pensively looking back at past experiences and people and just been very grateful to everyone and everything that's gotten me to where I am today. It's true that not everything has been 100% ideal, but I wouldn't change anything for the world.
Glad I wrote all this down.