Monday, February 28, 2011

leave it to me to make things dramatic...

this is life, isn't it? you try, and you work, and you hope, and you pray, cross your fingers... and things don't always work out. but it's all about how you handle the things that don't work out. i'm just going to have to handle this to the best of my abilities.

here's my situation: i want to be independent, more than i want to do theatre, more than i want to do anything else. the only way to do that is to buckle down, work more, earn as much money as i can, and get out. the way i've been doing things so far, though... well, i just can't keep doing what i've been doing.

without looking too far into the future, the thing i've been thinking that would be best to do is just to cease all superfluous activity that won't make me money for a long time. no more theater, no more concerts, no unnecessary outings (as much fun as they are.) i'm moving back into my house at Olathe (as much as it PAINS ME to type those words), i'm going to try to pick up another job, and save, save, save.

i was thinking i could try to be big mr. independent-theatre-guy right out of the gates of college. this just isn't so. theatre has become a very expensive hobby, both in time and money. the thing i have to remind myself is: it will always be there. it isn't going anywhere. i'm not going to take up one day and all the theaters are gone, "Oh no, I missed my chance!" but i'm not getting anymore financially stable staying involved in it. in fact, quite the opposite. i wanted to make theatre my career, i wanted to teach it. but right now it's taking up too much of my time and money and it's not helping me get on my feet. once i'm on my feet, then i can start thinking about a responsible way to participate in the art that i love so much.

but for right now, play time's over.

maybe this is an over-reaction to things falling apart around me.
maybe this is an over-reaction to things not going the way i thought they would.
maybe this is an over-reaction in response to excessive amounts of anger and stress that i've been experiencing in my life lately.

maybe it is.
but i need to point myself in some direction.
as of the past 2 weeks, i have had none.
so at least if i tell myself what i want to do, if i can wake up everyday and say to myself "you've got a plan, Corbin, you've got to stay the course..."
well...

then maybe i can make it out of this thing alive.
but as of right now...

i can't keep going the way i've been going.

thanks for listening,
Corbin

3 comments:

  1. I shall be praying for Wisdom and discernment.

    Grace and Peace Bro,
    Nicholas

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  2. Argh. That's tough. It's especially big of you to give up theatre for a while. The good news is that you've got a lot of experience already; it shouldn't be too tough to get back into.

    As far as getting another job and "no superfluous outings"... do what you feel like you have to do, but I guess I just hope you'll remember that saving money doesn't necessarily mean not enjoying your life. It means being prudent with what you're getting.

    PS- If you find a part-time job, let me know if there's other openings. :-D
    PPS- Does this mean I can have the Xbox wi-fi adapter back?

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  3. You are being overly dramatic. Don't become yuppie scum because things didn't work out they way you thought they would. They never do. Why stop theatre altogether? Do a show now and then in the evenings. Banking doesn't take up that much of your time. You have a job and that's doing better than a lot of people out there. Tighten your belt. You're not going to get to play x-box all the time or eat doritos whenever you want anymore. You're out of college, you want to live independantly like an adult, it's time to start living like an adult. Adults don't get or do whatever they want whenever they want. Adults have to say "no" sometimes when their friends go to a concert or out to eat. If you go to a restaurant with friends adults only order what they can afford, and sometimes that's just a cup of coffee. Sometimes adults have to be called "loser" by the people they are hanging out with because they leave the party early so they can go to work in the morning. It's time to cowboy up. You're making a choice here. You can choose whatever you want, but you simply cannot have the best of both worlds. "When I was a child I spoke like a child, I ate like a child, but when I became a man I gave up childish things." This is coming across as a reprimand, but it's really supposed to be a discussion, but since it's online it's very one sided. Take it as you will and leave the rest. Just some points of view from my life. Good luck Corbin!

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