this is life, isn't it? you try, and you work, and you hope, and you pray, cross your fingers... and things don't always work out. but it's all about how you handle the things that don't work out. i'm just going to have to handle this to the best of my abilities.
here's my situation: i want to be independent, more than i want to do theatre, more than i want to do anything else. the only way to do that is to buckle down, work more, earn as much money as i can, and get out. the way i've been doing things so far, though... well, i just can't keep doing what i've been doing.
without looking too far into the future, the thing i've been thinking that would be best to do is just to cease all superfluous activity that won't make me money for a long time. no more theater, no more concerts, no unnecessary outings (as much fun as they are.) i'm moving back into my house at Olathe (as much as it PAINS ME to type those words), i'm going to try to pick up another job, and save, save, save.
i was thinking i could try to be big mr. independent-theatre-guy right out of the gates of college. this just isn't so. theatre has become a very expensive hobby, both in time and money. the thing i have to remind myself is: it will always be there. it isn't going anywhere. i'm not going to take up one day and all the theaters are gone, "Oh no, I missed my chance!" but i'm not getting anymore financially stable staying involved in it. in fact, quite the opposite. i wanted to make theatre my career, i wanted to teach it. but right now it's taking up too much of my time and money and it's not helping me get on my feet. once i'm on my feet, then i can start thinking about a responsible way to participate in the art that i love so much.
but for right now, play time's over.
maybe this is an over-reaction to things falling apart around me.
maybe this is an over-reaction to things not going the way i thought they would.
maybe this is an over-reaction in response to excessive amounts of anger and stress that i've been experiencing in my life lately.
maybe it is.
but i need to point myself in some direction.
as of the past 2 weeks, i have had none.
so at least if i tell myself what i want to do, if i can wake up everyday and say to myself "you've got a plan, Corbin, you've got to stay the course..."
then maybe i can make it out of this thing alive.
but as of right now...
i can't keep going the way i've been going.
thanks for listening,